Needing Reminders

Looking back on my thirty-five years of life, there is not one day I can recall when my Mom has neglected to tell me that she loves me. I’ve often wondered if this has spoiled me in my adult life and relationships. There are certain people in my life who I know, without a doubt, love me, but it is certainly nice to have that loved affirmed.

People with whom I’ve been in relationships have made me feel “needy” for wanting this, and I have allowed certain people to make me feel like I was weak or insecure simply because I enjoy being told I am loved or wanted, needed or desired. Wanting and craving affirmations doesn’t make me or anyone else weak – it makes me human. It makes me Nicole, and from this day forward I refuse to feel poorly about myself because hearing someone say he loves me or desires me is important to me!

There was a recent special about Demi Lovato (I know her only because Em and Ella watch Disney Channel. Not that there would be anything wrong with owning her CD ;) on MTV. On her inner wrists (palm side of the hand) from left to write, are tattoos reading “Stay Strong.”

The only difference between Lovato and Lance Armstrong’s “Live Strong” campaign is that her reminder is permanently etched into her skin as opposed to imprinted on a removable yellow rubber bracelet.

Thinking about writing this entry, I couldn’t help but replay the SNL “Daily Affirmations with Stuart Smalley” skit where the character, developed and played by Al Franken, ended each ‘episode’ with a look in the mirror and the mantra ‘I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And doggone it: people like me!”

As I have the opportunity to meet and talk with more and more people, I have noted a common theme or trend: many people get tattoos as affirmations or reminders of one kind or another, which leads me to the conclusion that I am not the only person out there who needs to be reminded that I am loved, or that I am good enough, or to have faith, think positively, and be happy.

When I was a chubby kid struggling through gymnastics class because I didn’t possess the same level of athleticism as the other girls and because I carried a heftier weight on my frame, my coach took me aside one day and said there are always going to be people who are better at this than you, and there are going to be people who are worse. There are going to be people who are chubbier and people who are thinner; people who are faster and people who are slower. You simply need to be the best you you can be.

This is true when it comes to optimism and positive thinking. There are some people (for a varying degree of reasons including childhood experiences, chemical make-up of the brain, etc.) who have an easier time being happy than others. Some people struggle, while for others, genuine happiness is as natural as having brown eyes or long legs. People are different and that is what makes the world amazing.

Some of us need more reminding, more affirmation than others, and there is nothing wrong with this.

Tracey, one of the women I’ve had the pleasure of interviewing, has a tattoo on her right upper, inner arm that reads “Hold on to your happy.” For her, this serves as a reminder to stay bright and positive even when life might be throwing things at her that make happiness a struggle.

Tattooed on my left wrist are a flower and the word Believe. This serves as a reminder to hold on to my belief in God – to believe in myself – to believe in miracles and that anything is possible. Some days I need to be reminded of that more than others.

During the period of my life and career when I worked as a counselor at both a domestic violence shelter and later at a substance abuse facility, I always decorated my office space with inspirational (affirmation) quotes. Many of my clients needed constant reminding that they were going to make it, that they had the inner strength to endure their current circumstances, warm-fuzzies and the knowledge that someone was in their corner believing in them even when they found it difficult to believe in themselves.

Some of the framed favorites that decorated the walls of my various office spaces included:

• “The best way out is always through.”
• “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it because a beautiful butterfly.”
• “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
• “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
• "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”
• "Faith makes things possible, not easy."

It would be difficult to carry these framed pieces of inspiration, motivation, affirmation, around with me everywhere we go (although my choice of purses are usually large enough to accommodate a kitchen sink).

Tattoos are the perfect way to take those reminders of hope or inspiration with us everywhere we go. And there is nothing wrong with needing reminders that we are unique, loved, strong, or filled with faith.

One of the things I am enjoying so much about this project – aside from seeing amazing art and meeting interesting people – is the fact that no matter how different each of us might be, we are all connected by our humanity. Our experiences might be different, but we can relate to one another on some many universal levels when it comes to love and self-acceptance.

Again, I am so thankful to those of you who have been so willing to share your stories with me.